Well, this vicious bitch of a season we call winter has come and hopefully, for the love of all that is holy, gone.
I once again find myself looking much like a hibernating bear. Crawling out of my home after the long winter, skinny, weak, missing patches of hair and itching for all that spring brings with it. I do tend to hibernate a bit during the winter and here I come now, looking for food, mating and a land of plenty in which to sate myself.
Let the city of Edmonton beware.
"Sex Addiction"
The sports news was surprisingly non-athletic today. Tiger Woods, that saviour of the white mans whitest game, came out today and once again apologized profusely for his genetic imperative.
There was a term coined by George Carlin that I think is very useful in the world we live in today. That term is "pussification". The men of the world are being shaved, waxed, primped and emasculated at the speed of light these days.
All things that make a man look manly are out, while smoothness, painful almost obsessive attention to detail in grooming, and crying all the time, seem to be in.
3 men I can think of have come down with a case of what is being called "sex addiction" in the last year or two. Don't worry, I'm not here to bash what may or may not be a real medical or at least psychological issue that some folks have, there are after all, a lot less enjoyable and dumber things than sex that people are legitimately addicted to.
My prime case studies are 3 men who share a certain handful of qualities both personally and in their situations.
Michael Douglas, David Duchovny and now Tiger Woods.
All three of these men are infinitely more famous and wealthy than your average bear. I'm sure, though I can not provide footnotes or documentation, that all three have placed well on some kind of "sexiest man alive" poll, and last but not least, all three were married when they first .....disclosed their addictions.
Is anyone, ANYONE, really surprised that women throw themselves at these men and getting sex is easier than getting a chocolate bar? I can't see it being all that surprising.
Is anyone shocked that in the process of receiving hundreds if not thousands of sexual advances or straight up propositions, these men may have said yes a few times? I'm not saying I condone cheating on ones spouse or significant other, but if you live in what is essentially a sexual waterfall you're bound to get a little wet from time to time.
This to me, is not addiction. Is it bad form as far as having an existing relationship or family goes, certainly. Is it the same as selling your grandmothers corpse.......(dug up corpse none the less) .....to a lab in order to score some sweet sweet smack? I really don't think so.
Is it only the super wealthy and famous who suffer from sex addiction? I know plenty of virile young bucks who would gladly blow off previous appointments, spend their last nickel or endanger their lives for a crack at a girls crack. No one suggests they go to rehab......at least not for sex addiction.
And finally the most interesting part to me, all three of these hollywood and sporting superstars are married to some of the foxiest broads walking under the sun. The fact that Tea Leoni, above, is possibly the least attractive of the entire brood says all that needs to be said.
Unless all three of Tea Leoni, Ellen Nordegren and Catherine Zeta-Jones are the coldest fish in the sea, I simply don't understand. I believe there is a saying about going out for burger when there's steak at home, what about going out for Burger Baron burgers (eeewwww) when there is gold covered, exstacy filled steak at home.
Being married to any of those three seems to me like you've won the sex addiction lottery! "I need it baby, I'm addicted." Who wouldn't be addicted to sex if they were lucky enough to sucker one of these three into marriage?
It's like being addicted to cigarettes and then marrying a woman made completely of pure nicotine.
"So how was your day Mr. Douglas?"
"Well I had some breakfast and then watched one of the most beautiful women in the world march around the house in her underwear."
Tell me that shit wouldn't put sex on YOUR mind all day.
"What did you do with your long weekend David?"
"Took it easy, Tea spent yesterday lounging around the pool in her bikini........and now......for some reason........I just wanna put TAB A into SLOT B on anything that moves.................I think I'm addicted!"
Wanting to fuck all the time when the most visible woman in your life is dynamite with boobs, is not an addiction......it's common sense.
But back to pussification, (I think Mike Milbury used the word as well, but George Carlin is a magical wordsmith who used it first and Milbury is the guy who traded Roberto Luongo to draft Rick Dipietro and used the word at least a decade later).
I'm not about to stand here and extoll the virtues of manly sexual conquests, especially the really macho, cry it from the rooftops "look who I fucked" bullshit. But I'm also not going to say it's wrong and needs to be treated with therapy. Men have and will continue to fuck almost anything they can, regardless of intelligence, species or even position on the periodic table, sometimes at serious cost to their own life or lifestyle.
Those who can't keep it under wraps have trouble with control, not with addiction.
However the easiest way to buck responsibilty is to scream to the heavens....and press....."I have a problem! I'm addicted!"
According to the New York press, Derek Jeter behaves in much the same fashion, but no one calls for him to attend rehab. The only real difference being that he is not a married man.
Since when is the only difference between Don Juan and Junkie a wedding ring?
Peace out homeys, I'm gonna go score some junk.......(you know, like in her trunk).
