Not a Whole Hell of a Lot.

How Much is Your Life Worth?

I saw something in the papers today that I just had to do a little math on.

Recently a group of executives who formerly ran a company called Union Carbide were found guilty of negligence in what is one of the largest industrial accidents the world has seen. As many as 18,000 people were killed when the Union Carbide plant in Bhopal, India leaked a cloud of poison gas into the city.

Approximately 5,000 people died immediately. Anywhere from 15 - 25,000 have died since from effects of the leak.

Today, 25 years later, a court found a handful of the executives guilty of negligence causing death, a charge usually used in traffic accidents.

The worst penalties given to any single member of the group is a whopping 2 years in prison and a $2100 fine.

That's right, somewhere near 30,000 dead, 2 years and $2100 bucks.

Now this is where I wanted to do some math. If you know me, you know I'm math intollerant, so this decision did not come lightly.

I used 18,000 for a conservative number as far as the dead go.

So how much is a human life worth, if its end is embarassing to a major company who does big business in your country?

I mathed the shit out of it and this is what you are worth.

12 cents.

That's right, 12 whole cents. You can't even buy gum for that anymore. 12 fuckin' cents.

I can here some of you now though, "what about the prison time Rory? They're not totally getting off scott free are they?"

And you know what, you're right. There is 2 years of hard time in Indian prison on top of that 12 cents per person........only it's not 2 years per person......that's total.

Time for more math.....fuck.

So how much prison time does a fancy executive serve for cutting corners that kill your poor ass?

Again, using 18,000 as a conservative (SCOFF!) number of dead.

.06 of a day. Crap! More math.....I figure that works out to about an hour and 45 minutes.

Talk about your hard time.

So there you are. If you live somewhere that is willing to draw big business at almost any cost and you are poor and they murder your unlucky ass, they will pay through the nose...........a tiny nose that only lets out 12 cents and and hour and 45 minutes.

Oh, I should mention as well, Union Carbide was bought out eventually bought out by Dow, one of the largest chemical manufacturers in the U.S. They have refused, for 25 years to clean up the mess they purchased.

On the upside, that kind of stuff only happens in shady backwaters where there are no environmental laws and people are too dumb to realize how badly they're being F'd in the A. Good thing I live in Alberta.

Hibernation, "Sex Addiction", and the long crawl out of the den.

Well, this vicious bitch of a season we call winter has come and hopefully, for the love of all that is holy, gone.

I once again find myself looking much like a hibernating bear. Crawling out of my home after the long winter, skinny, weak, missing patches of hair and itching for all that spring brings with it. I do tend to hibernate a bit during the winter and here I come now, looking for food, mating and a land of plenty in which to sate myself.

Let the city of Edmonton beware.

"Sex Addiction"

The sports news was surprisingly non-athletic today. Tiger Woods, that saviour of the white mans whitest game, came out today and once again apologized profusely for his genetic imperative.

There was a term coined by George Carlin that I think is very useful in the world we live in today. That term is "pussification". The men of the world are being shaved, waxed, primped and emasculated at the speed of light these days.

All things that make a man look manly are out, while smoothness, painful almost obsessive attention to detail in grooming, and crying all the time, seem to be in.

3 men I can think of have come down with a case of what is being called "sex addiction" in the last year or two. Don't worry, I'm not here to bash what may or may not be a real medical or at least psychological issue that some folks have, there are after all, a lot less enjoyable and dumber things than sex that people are legitimately addicted to.

My prime case studies are 3 men who share a certain handful of qualities both personally and in their situations.

Michael Douglas, David Duchovny and now Tiger Woods.

All three of these men are infinitely more famous and wealthy than your average bear. I'm sure, though I can not provide footnotes or documentation, that all three have placed well on some kind of "sexiest man alive" poll, and last but not least, all three were married when they first .....disclosed their addictions.

Is anyone, ANYONE, really surprised that women throw themselves at these men and getting sex is easier than getting a chocolate bar? I can't see it being all that surprising.

Is anyone shocked that in the process of receiving hundreds if not thousands of sexual advances or straight up propositions, these men may have said yes a few times? I'm not saying I condone cheating on ones spouse or significant other, but if you live in what is essentially a sexual waterfall you're bound to get a little wet from time to time.

This to me, is not addiction. Is it bad form as far as having an existing relationship or family goes, certainly. Is it the same as selling your grandmothers corpse.......(dug up corpse none the less) .....to a lab in order to score some sweet sweet smack? I really don't think so.

Is it only the super wealthy and famous who suffer from sex addiction? I know plenty of virile young bucks who would gladly blow off previous appointments, spend their last nickel or endanger their lives for a crack at a girls crack. No one suggests they go to rehab......at least not for sex addiction.

And finally the most interesting part to me, all three of these hollywood and sporting superstars are married to some of the foxiest broads walking under the sun. The fact that Tea Leoni, above, is possibly the least attractive of the entire brood says all that needs to be said.

Unless all three of Tea Leoni, Ellen Nordegren and Catherine Zeta-Jones are the coldest fish in the sea, I simply don't understand. I believe there is a saying about going out for burger when there's steak at home, what about going out for Burger Baron burgers (eeewwww) when there is gold covered, exstacy filled steak at home.

Being married to any of those three seems to me like you've won the sex addiction lottery! "I need it baby, I'm addicted." Who wouldn't be addicted to sex if they were lucky enough to sucker one of these three into marriage?

It's like being addicted to cigarettes and then marrying a woman made completely of pure nicotine.

"So how was your day Mr. Douglas?"

"Well I had some breakfast and then watched one of the most beautiful women in the world march around the house in her underwear."

Tell me that shit wouldn't put sex on YOUR mind all day.

"What did you do with your long weekend David?"

"Took it easy, Tea spent yesterday lounging around the pool in her bikini........and now......for some reason........I just wanna put TAB A into SLOT B on anything that moves.................I think I'm addicted!"

Wanting to fuck all the time when the most visible woman in your life is dynamite with boobs, is not an addiction......it's common sense.

But back to pussification, (I think Mike Milbury used the word as well, but George Carlin is a magical wordsmith who used it first and Milbury is the guy who traded Roberto Luongo to draft Rick Dipietro and used the word at least a decade later).

I'm not about to stand here and extoll the virtues of manly sexual conquests, especially the really macho, cry it from the rooftops "look who I fucked" bullshit. But I'm also not going to say it's wrong and needs to be treated with therapy. Men have and will continue to fuck almost anything they can, regardless of intelligence, species or even position on the periodic table, sometimes at serious cost to their own life or lifestyle.

Those who can't keep it under wraps have trouble with control, not with addiction.

However the easiest way to buck responsibilty is to scream to the heavens....and press....."I have a problem! I'm addicted!"

According to the New York press, Derek Jeter behaves in much the same fashion, but no one calls for him to attend rehab. The only real difference being that he is not a married man.

Since when is the only difference between Don Juan and Junkie a wedding ring?

Peace out homeys, I'm gonna go score some junk.......(you know, like in her trunk).