Thanks for the weed, what are the cuffs for?

That's it. I've had it. Fed up, pissed off, criminalized and marginalized.

Would all y'all get a load of this bullshit.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/calgary/story/2009/03/27/cgy-rcmp-recruit-drugs-hiring.html

For those of you too busy, lazy, distracted or illiterate to read the whole thing, here's the jist of the story.

The RCMP, in an effort to increase applications to join, has decided to give itself the ability to ignore "minor criminal infractions" of those who apply. The article specifically mentions drug related charges such as "posession, cultivation and trafficking marijuanna".

Pardon me while I dip my head in a bucket of ice and listen to the steam snap and sizzle.

Now, I don't really know much french but pardon mine anyway. Are you fucking kidding me?!

Let me lay this out for you folks. My name is Rory, I've smoked marijuanna. I also hold a steady job, donate blood, and open doors for little old ladies. However because of my vice of choice, I am a criminal, I'm forced to associate with criminals, I have the stigma of being a slacker, stoner, loser. If I'm caught, I could be looking at jail time, difficulty travelling outside the country and trouble finding gainful employment with my new criminal record.

Now, let's try this again but with a few slight changes. My name is Rory, I've SOLD marijuanna along with god knows what else AND been caught doing it. In order to get my hands on enough grass to actually sell, I not only have to associate with criminals, but in many cases could end up owing them money. I have no stigma attached to me this time though, because I also want to be a cop.

We'll call the first person here Rory#1 and the second Rory#2.

If you really want to get your brain warped keep reading.

After Rory#2 has had his "past indiscressions" ignored he's put on the streets with a badge and a gun. He is now obligated to ARREST Rory#1 for doing something he was doing only a short time ago. Does this make sense to anyone?! ANYONE?! I beg you, write me a letter, tell me how this possibly makes sense.

I'll even take it further. If you can tell me how this shit makes sense I will suck your dick. I'm a straight man, I like chicks, but I'm so sure that this could not make rational sense to anyone that I'm putting this offer on the table...............maybe the wrong choice of words.

So now the score is this. If you want to be a cop at some point in your life, smoke, smoke, smoke motherfucker. You can even sell or grow. The life of an RCMP officer is an Eden of previous drug use and taser gunslinging.

However, if you have no interest in being a peace officer, you have no right to choose what goes in your body, no reason to expect "youthful indiscretions" to be seen as just that.

Cops who have enjoyed marijuanna in the past are legally obligated to arrest those who enjoy the same thing. I, ladies and gentlemen, refuse. If I were ever to be arrested and charged with posession, my first question to the arresting officer would be, "have you ever imbibed sir?".

No man who enjoys the same vices as I do has any right to arrest me for such vices. Anyone who tries is a tyrant and will see gasoline filled whiskey bottles arcing through the air before he succeeds.

They've almost legalized drug use for future RCMP officers, they simply don't think the rest of us are worthy of the same forgiveness or able to make the same decisions about what we put in our bodies. If it's such a tame drug, that it doesn't matter if cops have had it before, why do we spend millions if not billions of dollars trying to keep it away from people?

Calling all reasonable people! Write a letter, send a text, whatever you do, do it now. This shit makes me bonkers.

The Truest of Religions.

I have found my calling. I know the path I must take. To quote John Belushi, "YES! YES! Jesus tap-dancing Christ!!! I have seen the light!!!"

Some folks believe that you can't really seek out the purpose in your life, they feel it will find you. If this is the case, then I have been touched by the lord.........Jughead.

I've always believed you can categorize most people by what Archie character they resemble. You've got some good guys, who are whitebread to the max and and for some reason are incredibly popular. These are your Archies. You might not understand what eveyone else sees but god-damn, can that dirty ginger kid get down with Riverdales finest women.

Speaking of those finest women......tell me any low maintenance, stunning blonde in a baseball cap doesn't remind you of Betty. I dare you. That pretty, easy going gal who's just as happy on your ball team as she would be at the mall.

Of course, I couldn't forget Veronica. Who here knows a spoiled, rich girl? The type who could buy and sell your ass, and she's just cute enough that you might let her. These are the shop 'till you drop, while dragging her very uninterested boyfriend behind her, type of girls.

Reggie is, of course, that jack-ass we all know. He's the coolest shit around and will not hesitate to let you know it. The brother in law, the friend of a friend. Nobody knows who invited him but he's there all the time and he's usually trying to sleep with your girlfriend.

Moose, Midge, Big Ethel, and the token black guy are all pretty familiar stereotypes as well. However, only one man approaches a zen like lifestyle and state of mind that truly calls to me.

I profess Jugheadism as my religion. I renounce any and all previous religious teachings, with vigour and aplomb.

Let's ponder this for a bit. Do you know any lanky, generally good natured fellows? The kind of guy who seems to get along with the majority of people he meets? These are the apostles of my new religion.

My Lord is also a man of vices. What those vices are, it seems to me, does not matter. My Lord is a cheeseburger man, and make no mistake, for anyone who will eat a dozen in a sitting, it is a vice. Or perhaps even a crutch. Perhaps my needle-nosed messiah is more fallible than I thought possible.

I prefer smokeable vices, be they tobacco related or slightly more illicit substances.

Is Jughead a ladies man? I think it is fair to say, most certainly not. Though he does appear to have an undeniable power over Ethel. Isn't that the way it goes? The dude who could be the best man of the bunch, draws only ungainly beast-women and fat old men who sell cheeseburgers? Sounds oddly familiar.

An odd charm is present in this hand drawn spiritual master though. All of the characters around him seem either comforted by his presence or confused, no doubt due to the divine inspiration which only he can understand. Is he a little hectic when avoiding Ethel? Certainly, but who wouldn't run from that gangly amazon?

Jughead also seems to live a comfortable life consisting of endless burger funds and good times, without being gainfully employed. Now this, is a man after my own heart.

I call upon all of you, the unconverted, to see the error of your ways and ask forgiveness of my new god. Address the problems in your life, remain calm and ask Pop Tate for a steaming (or smoking) heap of your favorite vice. Lean on that vice/crutch with everything you've got and try to look good in your crown hat!

This is the way of my lord.....Forsythe Pendleton "Jughead" Jones III.

Amen.